Not Shut Out

Growing up I was lucky enough to have access to some duck and goose hunting land and terrific friends to go with me. Tim, Neil, Greg and I went hunting often, with mixed results. Sometimes we got many birds and other times not so much. We always had a terrific time being together. We were also big baseball fans, so once when we went hunting and only got one duck Tim said, “Well at least weren’t not shut out”, borrowing a baseball term.

The phrase stuck and soon we adapted it to other situations. Water fowl hunting takes effort, getting up early, driving to the location, putting out decoys, ect. Saying we were not shut out was a way to help feel like we didn’t waste our time. We even took the sentiment so far that if we didn’t get any birds we’d say “at least we don’t have to clean birds.”

When I got married my wife heard me say it and started using the phrase. After our girls were born and started talking they quickly joined in. It’s frequently heard around our home to this day, as an all-purpose saying to describe an attempt to salvage a less than optimal occurrence. It’s surprising how it can take some of the sting out of something I don’t like.

Once our basketball team was playing in an early season tournament. We were missing several key players and were completely outmatched by and excellent team. It was getting late in the game and we hadn’t even scored. My youngest daughter got fouled and went to the free throw line. She looked at me before making the free throw. Then she turned and looked at me again with a smile. I knew she was thinking we’re not shut out.

When things go “wrong” I try to get something positive from the situation. My first go to point is what can I learn from this? See my Next Time post.  I may have messed up and can do better next time. Maybe I didn’t see the potential problem coming and will plan differently in the future. I may have learned to avoid similar situations again. Learning a lesson from something will help me think of the experience differently instead of just suffering through it.

Sometimes it’s really hard to find anything positive in a situation. It’s just something I endure. Maybe the best thing I can come up with is that it’s over. I’m on the other side now and am a different person because of it. Hopefully I’m more resilient. Throughout history many cultures have had a “trial by fire” for their members as they became adults. I’m sure different groups had different reasons for the trials. What those were I’m not able to discuss. However, I think that anyone who made it through one of those trials felt differently about themselves when it was over. I know I do.

The darkest time in my life came when we were trying to start a family. My wife had four miscarriages. One of them happened after we were able to see the baby’s heartbeat. That’s the saddest I’ve ever been. I wish it never happened and would not want anybody to go through that grief. After that my wife had major complications with our first daughter who was born six weeks early. Things went better with our second daughter, but she still came five weeks early, so both girls spent well over two weeks in intensive care. It was a stressful time. We are so grateful the girls have grown up to be healthy adults.

After going through all of this I would never say that we love our children more than other parents. What I can say for certain is that we have never taken having them for granted. We see each day with them as a gift. We were changed by the experience we went through.

I get to control my thoughts which in turn control my perception. I have learned that my perception is my life. Where I choose to focus my attention is what I take away from an experience. I don’t ignore the negative. I deal with it by preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, but focusing on what I choose to take away from any given experience. Having an attitude of looking for the positive gives me extra confidence entering into anything. Not that it will go as I want it to, but that I get to choose how I perceive it. It won’t be a waste of time. That was our goal in coming up with the phrase in the first place, which makes all the difference. Maybe you’ll take something positive away from this post. If you do then you’re not shut out.

May you have enough today one moment at a time.