What Did You Have in Mind?

Being a rancher my dad needed to be good at many things. He was an excellent negotiator. He bargained over buying and selling cattle, horses, equipment, land, and just about everything else. His mindset was “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is negotiable.”

He would use just about any tactic to gain an advantage. Once we were going to look at some cattle for sale. I headed to the truck wearing my new shirt and jeans. He looked at me and said, “What are you doing? Do you want them to think we’re made of money? Go put on your old shirt and jeans that you wore when you painted the trailer. The ones with the holes in them.”

Another time we went to look at a used bull dozer for clearing land. On the drive there he told me things to look for that might be worn out or wrong with the machine. When we got there it was my job to point them out. After I did my dad said, “I’m sorry you’re going to have to do better on the price. Even a kid can see the things wrong with this dozer.” The seller was none too happy with me, but we got a better deal.

He used many other unusual methods, but would always start negotiations the same way by saying “What did you have in mind?” He wanted to read the situation and let his opponent make the first move so he could use counter tactics. I’ve used that line in transacting business, but I’ve found it even more beneficial in another part of my life. I’ll explain with a basketball example.

A skill all players need to know to be effective is how to read the defense. See what they are taking away and what they left open. It’s very hard to take away everything, but if a player forces a pass to someone who is guarded it’s almost always stolen. If they adjust to what’s available instead and use that opportunity it’s much easier to be successful.

Every day I have an idea of what I want to accomplish and how I’d like things to go. However, I approach each moment with an attitude of what did you have in mind? When I read each situation and make adjustments I am more successful and happier. I don’t need to force things to go a certain way. It’s like negotiating with life, or maybe dancing would be a better term. The situation is my partner. My goal is to get across the room for example. I partner with the situation making adjustments as I dance with my partner rather than being hell bent on forcing the situation to be what I want. I don’t always get to choose my partner or the tune, but by adapting I can usually make it to my goal. It may be a little longer than I had planned and take me some places I didn’t think I’d go along the way. However, I get to my destination more often and with less stress. Sometimes the dance detours will show me a better place to be than my original goal, if I relax and continue to read the situation as I go.

I think almost everyone will agree that the year 2020 didn’t go how we thought it might. Accepting uncertainty and making changes, especially in my expectations, made it easier to handle. I enjoyed each moment more instead of being upset because I wanted things to go the way I thought they should. As a wise person once said, “Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.” That was my mantra for 2020.

What does the future hold? The new year here. I don’t pretend to know if or when things get back to normal or what the new normal might look like. I do know how I’m going to approach it. What do you have in mind?

May you have enough today one moment at a time.