The Great Thief

Ever since I can remember Theodore Roosevelt has been one of my heroes. Regardless of what you think about his politics he is widely regarded as the best read of all the Presidents and maybe the most intelligent. He was often in the spotlight and had many famous quotes. He liked to quote the African proverb “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” Also well-known is his man in the arena speech. Of course there are many more.

To me the most important is “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I’m not sure even he realized just how brilliant and profound it is. If there is just one piece of wisdom I live my life by, this is it.

One of the first things I was taught in school was to compare and contrast. How are things the same and how are they different? Of course the life lessons started well before I entered school. I was being told in so many ways that I needed to know if I measured up.  It was the water I swam in.

I never really thought about it much even though it was a plague on my life, until a few years into coaching. While coaching I realized the value of accepting each player for what they are. My job was to get the most out of that person’s talents and temperament. It wasn’t fair for me to compare the players to each other. My last couple years of coaching I started our first practice by showing the girls some containers. I had a large Gatorade bottle, a coke can, a water bottle and several others. They were different shapes, sizes, colors and made of different materials, similar to this picture.

I told my players they were like the containers, all different and that I accepted each one of them for what they were. I expected each one to be themselves. I also told them one more thing. I required them to work hard in practice so their containers would be filled. I wanted every last drop they had when game time came. I would ask for nothing more and accept nothing less.

The players responded well because there was no pressure. They were free to be their best selves within the framework of the team. One of my coaching guidelines was never to expect anything from my players that I wasn’t willing to do. This got me thinking. If I am accepting of my players for who they are, shouldn’t I be doing the same for myself?

My whole life I had been trying to measure up to other people. My parents were wonderful for loving me for who I was. However, like almost everyone they would talk about different people they admired. They would voice what qualities they found virtuous. I absorbed that information along with input from other people and the media to come up with who I should be. I believed that anything else wasn’t ok. The image I had in my mind wasn’t realistic. It was the best qualities of many people. I was trying to live up to someone who didn’t even exist and missing out on who I was. I discovered:

The worst fear in life is being afraid of who I am.

Even the mighty Thor struggled with this in the movie Endgame, until he got some sage advice from his mother. “Everyone fails at who they are supposed to be.” Here is the video of that scene. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=2590102841274555

As I mentioned in my post Enneagram High Five, I have learned to appreciate my qualities. When I am myself, I am at my best and I am happy.  In the PBS documentary The Roosevelts the narrator said, “Theodore Roosevelt was resolutely himself and people loved him for it.” I guess he really did understand that comparison is the thief of joy.

May you have enough today, one moment at a time.