No

Learning to say no has become an important skill for me. I struggled with it for many years. I hated being put on the spot by others and often said yes regarding their requests, when I really wanted to say no. I finally came up with a response to those who made it hard to decline their pleas. “I don’t mind you asking me, if you don’t mind me saying no.”

Here’s the way I think about it. The other person initiated the process by asking me a question where no would be a likely answer. If they feel it’s ok to do so, why shouldn’t I be ok with saying no? In my opinion it’s unreasonable for them to be upset with my answer. The burden is on them to accept my reply, not for me to say yes because they may be upset if I say no.

I’m polite when I say no. If it’s something I might do under other circumstances I let them know that also. Very seldom does someone get upset with me. If they do, I know how to handle the situation.

Warren Buffet helped me with a different type of no. He said one of his most important skills was saying no to almost anything in which he didn’t have a high interest. A flood of opportunities comes his way daily. He likes many, but of course doesn’t have the time for all of them. 

I’m not Warren Buffet, but my life isn’t that different. I’m interested in many things, but time is short. I reserve my yes answers for things of high interest. The rest I weed out by giving them a no. That leaves enough time for the things I really care about. 

My health is a major priority. Good health makes life possible, so I prioritize the things necessary to be well. The opportunities it gives me are spent mostly on two major categories, connection and wonder. For me they make life worth living. I’ll be writing more about them in later posts.

Saying no is like any other skill. I improve over time, in both saying no and knowing when to say no. I’m happier because of it. Nothing more complicated than perception.

May you have enough today, one moment at a time.