Control

As with most people I like to be in control because it makes me feel safe. Control also gives me power and who doesn’t want more power. I remember from an early age my parents telling me how lucky I was to live in the USA because I could be anything I wanted. I had control over my life. 

As I got older I found I had less control than I thought. When I worked for an oil company I moved four times in four years. I left the job mostly because I wanted control over where I lived. Later I became self-employed to have even more control regarding decisions effecting my career and personal life.

As years passed I realized there were areas of my life where it was important to relinquish control. I needed to let my employees do their jobs without constant supervision which meant giving up some control. Coaching really taught me about taking my hands off the wheel, so to speak. I was in control of practice and the strategy our team used in games. However, once the game started I had zero control of the players, referees or events on the court. Control was no longer a possibility.

I have learned that direct control is mostly an illusion. I get to influence some areas of life, but have little direct control. Here is an example. I influence my health by my choices in eating, exercise, and seeking medical services. However, I have no direct control regarding my health.

Sometimes it’s scary to think about that over which I do not have control. Then I read the following quotes by Stoic philosophers.

Marcus Aurelius said, “There is never any need to get worked up about things you can’t control”.

Epictetus went even further “Just keep in mind: The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.” In addition he stated, “How appropriate that the gods put under our control only the most powerful ability that which governs all the rest-the ability to make the right use of external appearances-and that they didn’t put anything else under our control. Was this simply because they weren’t willing to give us more? I think if it had been possible they would have given us more, but it was impossible”

It’s important for me to keep in mind that Marcus Aurelius was the emperor of Rome and Epictetus was a Roman slave. They experienced control from two very different perspectives and still came to similar conclusions.

I understand them to say, focus my attention on what I can control, which are my thoughts. Then I will feel as if I have more control over my life. Finally I get to decide what the events in my life mean to me and how I will respond to them. To Epictetus that was having ultimate control. It’s like having only one card out of a deck. I’m glad it’s the Ace.

May you have enough today, one moment at a time.