Trust

My earliest memory is a trip to the barber shop with my dad when I was barely three. That was my first hair cut from a barber, my great uncle Harper. It didn’t go well. I don’t remember why, but I threw a big fit through the whole process. Most of the time was spent by my uncle and dad trying to calm me down. They offered to give me a stick of gum after the cut if I quit crying. My dad also told me I would get a spanking if I didn’t “straighten up.” Nothing worked.

After it was finished I asked for my gum. My dad signaled to uncle Harper not to give me any because I didn’t behave. On the drive home I remembered thinking about his spanking comment and figured he had probably forgotten. When we pulled into the driveway my dad stopped the car and turned it off. Then I vividly recall him telling me it was time for my spanking. The funny thing is I don’t remember the spanking, but that’s not important. What is hugely important is that I learned that if my dad told me something he meant it. I knew I could trust what he said.

I was pretty insecure as a child, it was just my nature. Having a dad I could depend on made life more secure. If he told me he was going to do something I knew he was going to do it. I never doubted his word on anything. That made life so much simpler. If he said it, I could count on it. The amazing thing is that I never got another spanking because there was no need to test his word. It was as good as gold.

My dad understood that parenting wasn’t just up to him. He and my mom needed to be united in their efforts. I remember asking my mom’s permission to do something. I didn’t get the answer I wanted so I went to my dad and asked him. It didn’t take long for them to figure out my tactic. They set me straight quickly. An answer from one of them was an answer from both of them.

Not only did it help me as a child, but it has also helped me as a parent. When I became a dad I remembered the tremendous security and stability that being able to depend on my dad provided. I wanted the same thing for my girls. When they started moving about on their own I was deliberate in my thought process about letting them know what was not ok. I always knew that if I told them something I was committed. There would be no easy way out or doing what was expedient, rather than following through on what I said. It was a lot of work early on. However, it has been much easier on the long run. They tested me plenty of times when they were very small, but that went away quickly once they understood my resolve. I hope having that stability meant as much to them as it did to me when I was a child.

When my dad was in the hospital for the final time I had the blessing of spending most of a day with him by myself. My sister’s and mom were under the weather. He knew the end was probably coming pretty soon. We were in a waiting room for another test and he was laying on a gurney. He took my hand, looked up at me and said, “Always keep your integrity.” Those words rang true for me because of his example.

To me trust is being able to depend on something, like gravity. I know if I drop something it’s going to fall. I never question whether it will happen. My parents were like gravity, always dependable. I learned when I was three that great relationships start with trust. Knowing that my whole life is certainly better than a stick of gum. Thanks again Dad.

May you have enough today, one moment at a time.