Starting a business from scratch was the hardest thing I’ve done in my profession life. I came into it with my eyes wide open. I had done my homework and was confident I would succeed. That was on April 1, 1986. A couple months later I wasn’t so confident anymore. I knew what I needed to do. I got away for the weekend by going to the safest place I knew, home. After a couple days with my parents I was ready to get back to work. Later that week I got a card in the mail from my Dad. On the front was the picture you see with this post of a cowboy dangling over a cliff. It was dated June 27, 1986 and inside he had written.
“Sometimes things get kind of rough, but look at this picture and you will feel that things aren’t so bad. Remember every dark cloud has a silver lining. If you get in the position this fellow is in, relax, but don’t let go.”
As so often happened my dad gave me just the advice I needed. I focused on relaxing, but continued to do the necessary work to grow my business. It was a balancing act that made my efforts sustainable.
Years later I applied this philosophy to another part of my life. As I said in my post, The Great Thief, in coaching, accepting each player for who they were also helped me accept myself. Comparison was no longer the thief of my joy. That was the relaxing part. It was also my job to help them improve and be their best. That was the don’t let go part. I explained to them that at any given point in time I accepted them just as they were, and I would also be working to help them improve. The two were compatible, not mutually exclusive. A coach getting to that level of understanding with a player is what I call the sweet spot. Players relax, but still work very hard because of the level of trust that develops. They work from a place of confidence and acceptance instead of fear.
As I also mentioned in The Great Thief post that I wasn’t going to ask something of my players that I wasn’t willing to do myself. I realized I could also accept myself at any given moment and still work on improving. The two were compatible. It’s finding the sweet spot with myself. A place where I can thrive that is sustainable. No more roller coaster ride of beating myself up so I would achieve, just to become dissatisfied again to motivate more achievement.
This reminded me of a small plaque we had at home. It said, “Happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the line.” When I accept who I am at that moment I can enjoy the journey. At the same time working to improve myself helps things get even better as I get closer to the end of the line. What good is it for me to achieve what I want, but be miserable along the way?
So far I’ve written about comparison regarding myself. I’ve also spent years comparing the world around me, the circumstances of life. Sometimes that comparison has been to other things and almost always to what I thought it should be. That’s been just as much a thief as comparing myself. It robbed me of experiencing each moment as it is.
After seeing a movie or play our family would often go for ice cream and discuss what we saw. The first question was always, “What was your favorite part.” It’s certainly natural to have preferences. However, that often diminishes almost everything else that isn’t the best or the way I think it should be.
I’ve learned to look for the sweet spot when it applies to everydday life as well. At any given moment, whatever is, IS. Right then it cannot be otherwise. Appreciating that instead of wishing it was different is relaxing. Then getting to work to improve the things I can is not letting go.
After a close game I would ask my players which basket was the most important. They would usually say the winning one or something similar. I told them all are equally important. They all count the same. Each moment in my life is important because it is part of my life. One may not be as significant as another in achieving a certain goal, but each is part of the journey. It’s more fun to appreciate each moment for what it is, instead of comparing it to the way I think it should be. I can work toward achieving goals, but find happiness in the process too, instead of hoping to find it just when the goal is reached. That’s why I’ll continue to relax but don’t let go. For me that’s definitely the sweet spot.
May you have enough today, one moment at a time.
THIS HELPED ME 