In January of 1984 I read a sentence that helped change my life. “Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.” That’s a quote from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, which in my opinion should be titled, How to Understand People. I’ve done my best to apply that principle into my overall philosophy of life. Here’s an example from my insurance business.
When a potential client came in for the first time, I made sure to look at them and not a computer screen. I asked them open ended questions with paper and pen in front of me. The questions seemed somewhat about insurance, but what I was really looking for was what was important to them. Once they started talking about it I deployed my secret weapon. I shut up and listened, for as long as they wanted to talk. Once they were done I proceeded to write a policy for them. They came in to get a policy. They left with a relationship because I had listened to what was important to them. Most people they meet listen to respond. I listened to understand.
One of the overriding messages in Mr. Carnegie’s book is that everyone has a huge need to feel important. Being listened to helps fill that need.
There is also a more subtle need expressed in the book. The need to get outside ourselves. That need has been stated in many of the world’s religions and philosophies. The book’s advice is to be interested in others. When I do that well, especially by listening, it naturally follows that I’m less interested in myself.
My life, lived well, is about having good relationships. Being heard is something others will be attracted to, which helps relationships. That’s an overt reward to me. I also get the secret benefit of living more outside myself. Nothing more complicated than perception.
May you have enough today, one moment at a time.
THIS HELPED ME 