Kindness Changed My Life

Besides my parents, my friend Tim taught me the most valuable lesson of my life. He moved in two houses down and across the street when I was in fifth grade. We got to be friends in junior high, they call it middle school now. We had a neighborhood loaded with boys. I can remember fifteen in a one block radius. It was a highly competitive place to grow up. We competed in all the major sports and invented a few of our own. It wasn’t just important to compete. It was important to win. I felt like my standing with the guys depended on it.

We also competed in things besides sports, like who could get in the best insults. I learned to get them before they got me. That carried over into my relations with other kids. I was insecure so having a smart mouth was a good way not let them get close. I could rationalize that they didn’t like me because they didn’t really know me.

Then I got to know Tim. He was different than any other kid in the neighborhood. He was kind, genuinely kind. That’s not an adjective used to describe many junior high boys. However, he was not beyond some mischief. Once we were shooting baskets at my house and his mom called him to help her weed the flowerbed. I told him goodbye and he said “I’ll be back in a few minutes. I’ll just pull up a few flowers instead of weeds and she’ll run me off.” Five minutes later he was back. He also played many practical jokes on his little brother, often with my help.

Tim didn’t dig at you the way other kids did. He usually thought of others before himself. It was his nature. Because of his kindness Tim had lots of friends. As time went by I noticed this and knew I only had a few. Then I had an epiphany. People like it if you are kind to them and don’t if you’re mean. Maybe I should try being kind instead. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s the truth. It just never dawned on me before. My parents were kind people, but I thought that was a requirement of being a parent. Kids were exempt.

I’m not proud to say this took me several years to figure out, but it happened at the right time. I was going off to college soon. This would be a good opportunity for me to try my new approach. After all, nobody there knew what a jerk I’d been. It didn’t come naturally to me, but I kept one thought in mind as I went through each day. What would Tim do? I did my best to copy what I’d seen from him.

It worked. I found it was great to have lots of friends. Life was a happier place for me. As time went by it got easier to be kind. I didn’t have to keep the idea in the forefront of my brain. I decided to continue the practice as I went through life. I will confess it has never come naturally for me to be kind. On the kindness meter I’d give my nature about five out of ten. However, as I said in my post, It’s My Nature , things can become second nature to me if I’m conditioned long enough. It’s become an automatic reflex that I don’t have to think about anymore. After all I’ve had forty five years of practice.

Many wonderful people have been kind to me through the years. Tim’s kindness came at a crucial time when I needed it most. I don’t even want to think about what my life would be like if I hadn’t found the gift of kindness. It has brought kind people into my life who taught me other valuable lessons. That’s what I really value, relationships with kind people. I’ll never be able to repay this gift that Tim has given me. If nobody ever read this blog but Tim, it would be worth it to let him know.

Maybe my being kind has touched someone else in an important way. I don’t know. What I do know is Tim giving kindness to someone who didn’t earn it, like me, is the biggest miracle I’ve ever experienced. It changed my whole life.

May you have enough today, one moment at a time.