Balance

In 2005 my wife suggested I try Pilates for my chronic back pain. My response was “what’s that?” She explained it is an exercise program mostly designed to strengthen core muscles. She also told me Jackie, a friend of ours, was a local instructor. I was desperate for some relief, so I thought I’d give it a try.

The exercises aren’t easy at first, but I checked my ego at the door the best I could and pressed on. It worked so well that sixteen years later I still do a Pilates routine three times a week. I give Jackie all the credit. She knows Pilates well and also knows people. She did a good job making me feel comfortable and helping me improve, so I would keep coming to class. She’s also the kind of person who always goes the extra mile. At the end of each class she added a balancing exercise. We would stand on one foot for thirty seconds and then the other. She told us most people over sixty can’t balance on one foot and she didn’t want us to be one of them. I still practice every day while I brush my teeth.

The older I get the more I realize the importance of balance, and not just physically or in how I spend my time. I’ll give you an example. When I was a kid I liked to balance a ruler on my finger. It was easy because I just had to put my finger under the six inch line. I was soon trying it with pens and other things in my school desk. That made it trickier because I didn’t know where the line was.

Shortly after email came out, but before there was social media several of my friends started trading emails to discuss a variety of issues such as sports, politics ect.  I call it eworld. It’s amazing how much they converse on certain topics. I usually stay out of the discussions, but get copies that I sometimes read. One day it dawned on me that what they really argued about was where is the line? Almost no issue had a black and white answer. There were usually a thousand shades of gray.

That got me thinking about life. I discovered that often decisions are about trying to find where the line is, the balance point. In my post Relax but Don’t Let Go, I mentioned the balancing act of accepting myself or circumstances at any given moment and still trying to improve myself or the situation. That is my challenge in life, finding the balance point. Here are a few things that help me.

First I do my best to look at things holistically rather than focusing on fragments. It’s very hard to balance if I just see part of something instead of the whole picture.

Second I try to gather the information available to me as objectively as I can. If I leave information out or distort it to my liking that usually causes problems. I don’t see things as they are.

Third I stay away from absolutes. When our girls were little we taught them not to use extreme words like always, never, can’t and hate. It’s easy for absolutes to happen when new information is not factored in. That’s because my mind is already made up before considering all the relevant data. Again not seeing things as they are.

Also having a guiding principle helps with balance. Sometimes Jackie would have us close our eyes and balance on one foot. That made it almost impossible for me to do, because focusing on something with my vision gave me a reference point from which to balance. With that gone I would fall. I have often told our daughters the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing, have a guiding principle.

When I became the girls basketball coach at a local charter school I had grand plans of how I was going to build the program. I told my wife about them. She gave a great piece of advice. “The parents don’t really care how many games you win. They want you to take care of their girls.”

She was absolutely right. I decided right then that the most important thing was going to be the wellbeing of my players. To do that I had to balance several factors, but it gave me a reference point to guide my decisions and actions, my guiding principle.

Finally when making a decision I weigh all these factors along with two others. Intuition is important because it is a part of gathering information even though I am not able to explain my thought process. I also consider the nature of the people involved. Especially that of the person most heavily impacted. How will this affect them, given who they are?

What I’m really taking about is judgment. The better my decisions, for the most part, the better my quality of life. I’ll still keep searching for the line to bring balance to the situations in my life. As I also said in Relax but Don’t Let Go, that’s the (Sweet Spot), aka the balance point.

May you have enough today, one moment at a time.