That’s All I Know

The year 2002 was a tough one for me. My dad died in April. Then in September
the existence of my business was threatened by factors beyond my control. I was
feeling pretty low. I had been emailing my good friend David who was working in
Europe. I let me know everything that was going on. One day, to my surprise, I
received a letter from him.

In the body of the letter was the following story:

Once upon a time there was a farmer. He grew enough food to make a living, but
not much more. However, he did own a beautiful white stallion. His friends were
telling him he should sell the horse before something happened to it. He told
them he wasn’t interested in selling.

On night there was a strong storm. The next morning the farmer found that the
horse had knocked down the fence and was gone. His friends gathered around
and reminded him that they warned something like this might happen. They were
sad for him.

He responded, “All I know is yesterday I had a white horse and today I don’t.
That’s all I know.”

A couple weeks later the stallion returned and brought twenty mares with him.
His friends came over to congratulate him on his good fortune saying, “Wow, you
were right. The stallion running away wasn’t bad, that was good. Now you are
rich.”

The farmer said, “All I know is yesterday I didn’t have any horses and today I have
many. That’s all I know.”

Soon the farmer decided to break the wild mares so he could sell them. His son
was riding one and was bucked off, breaking his leg severely. His friends heard
and came over to console him saying, “Wow, you were right again. Getting those
new horses wasn’t good. That was bad.”

Again the farmer said, “All I know is that yesterday my son had two healthy legs
and today one of them is broken. That’s all I know.”

Within the month a war broke out with the neighboring country. All the young
men from the farmer’s country were required to go and fight. The other country
was much stronger. The odds of the local men surviving was very low.

The next time the farmer saw his friends they said, “You are so smart. You were
right. Your son having a broken leg isn’t bad, it’s good.”

The farmer looked at them and said, “Have you learned nothing?”

I learned a lot from this story. I learned that my whole basis of defining an event
as good and bad was if I liked it or not. Each day I was at the mercy of what
happened “to” me. I was letting those events dictate how I felt. What a shaky way
to live, like a reptile or amphibian, cold blooded. My emotional temperature was
being controlled by my surroundings.

I asked myself why I went through life in such an unstable fashion. I decided that
part of it was innate and part was learned. When I was a baby I naturally cried
when I was hungry or needed changing. As I grew I learned to cry for more things.
I watched others get upset when they didn’t get what they wanted. Therefore,
the process was reinforced all the way into adulthood. I assumed that’s what I
was supposed to do. My assumptions were partly home grown and partly
imported. I didn’t know there was an alternative.

Asking why helped me understand the problem. Now what could I do about it?
The farmer in the story was accepting events as they came, in the present
moment, with no labels. He was dealing with them as they were, by not judging
them. His friends were adding labels based on what they thought the events
might mean for the future.

I can choose to be like the farmer or his friends. One dictated his own emotional
temperature. The others were controlled by their surroundings. I have the power
to decide which life I want. That’s all I know.

May you have enough today, one moment at a time.